Screwed Apple Pie

I was a weird kid, I loved apples versus desserts. Golden delicious had my vote every time and any punk to be the first to judge me back then I would just throw my apple at their face. Discussion over. As the name suggest this drink taste like your grandma got crazy in the kitchen and put your uncles habits in her cooking. That one tasteless movie is correct, "Love is like a warm apple pie."  Uhmm let's make some love shall we.

1 shot Butterscotch liqueur 

1 shot apple pucker (making it hot is better)

1 shot apple pinnacle vodka*

1 shot whip cream pinnacle vodka

Polish off with sprite

Thin slice of green apple 

In a martini shaker add all the alcs with ice and shake like a woman of the night. Don't shake the soda for obvious reasons genius. Strain into a martini glass and add sprite, so leave room... maybe. Garnish with thin slice of green apple and mouth. Mumble pie baby. Cause this will get you mumbling drunk if you have too much.

*If you want more apple taste without getting rid of the alc add this.

Tom Collins

This drink is so dated. I give it mad respect for still being a popular drink from the 1800's. Mastered by the mix drink king himself Jerry Thomas, you could wash one back and feel like the great Gatsby. If you drink enough of them you might even feel like him in the morning... It's a joke ya'll he got hit by a car at the end. Don't act like you were going to read it. Put your monocle on and lets mix.

2 oz. dry gin
2 oz. lemon juice
1 tsp sugar syrup
Soda water
Slice of lemon
Single Cherry

In a tall glass filled with ice add gin, lemon juice, and syrup. Top with soda water and stir. Garnish with lemon slice and cherry. Bust out your top hat and drink.

Bullet Neat

This drink has man written all over it. Its simple, easy, and straight to the point. After you're done wrestling a bear or choking a horse with your bear hands (not a typo, real men have bear hands) you will want quench your thirst and rage with a drink tailored to your manliness. You know what time it is.

2 oz. of your favorite bourbon... done.

Pour into a rocked glass and enjoy. You expected more here right... well suck it up, no fruit in this drink. You're dealing with daddies pants now.

Pineapple Upside Down Cake

I love cake son. LOVE IT! So I thought to myself, "F*#! I should drink a pineapple upside down cake!" Lo and behold this drink made perfect for the fat kid who loves cake and wouldn't mind getting tipsy off of it. I will admit there is no way to order this and sound like a real man. In fact you will sound like a real teeny bopper. After 3 or 4 of these though who gives a crap. Business time!

1 shot of Pinnacle whip cream vodka
1 shot Disaronno
1 shot Pinnacle Cake
Polish off with pineapple juice
1 cherry

In an iced tumbler layer each shot in the glass and finish it with the juice of the pine. Garnish with a cherry deep in the glass. Don't drink it yet! I want you to take a mental note of the nothingness you taste right now and then I want you to throw this drink in yo mouth hole. Indeed fat boy loves his cake.

Screwed Apple Sauce

Every proud American man should love the taste of apple sauce and if you don't you're a terrorist... or you really just don't like apple sauce in which case you should go to another drink. When I first made this I was wasted and I surprisingly remember how I made it the next day. In the midst of recreating this drink and replaying my sober state of the previous night I made it stronger and tastier. To business.

1 shot Cinnamon liqueur

1 shot apple pucker

1 shot apple pinnacle vodka*

1 shot whip cream pinnacle vodka

Polish off with sprite

Thin slice of green apple 

In a martini shaker add all the alcs with ice and shake like a woman of the night. Don't shake the soda for obvious reasons genius. Strain into a martini glass and add sprite, so leave room... maybe. Garnish with thin slice of green apple and mouth. Prepare to taste a drunk thanksgiving.

*If you want the original Apple sauce I made just leave this shot out.

Captain & Cola

You can most definitely have a cola at the bar, that is as long as it is mixed with something Jack Sparrow or Chuck Norris might brush their teeth with. Its simple and goes down crisp. Ordering this shows how laid back and easy going you can be.

1 1/2 oz Capt. Morgan Spiced Rum (I prefer Sailor Jerry)
6 oz cola
1 lime slice (so optional)

Add the Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum and cola in an ice-filled pint glass and stir it. Garnish the drink with a lime slice. Continue on being a man.

Black and Tan

Every guy likes beer but what could make a beer even better? Having two beers! You get the visual effect of a mad scientist and the appearance of a beer know it all with this drink. The drink actually has a lot of history to it as well... history that I am not going to google it for you since I don't give a crap because I am drinking beer. Get on my level.

1/2 pint Smithwick's Ale (or a pale ale of any sort)

1/2 pint Guinness Draught

Add the Smithwick's Ale to a pint glass, and then add the Guinness by pouring it over the back of a spoon. Yes pour over a spoon. This will keep the two beers from mixing giving you a split beer affect. Now you're set to get your Irish on. I have never met someone drinking this that didn't have a story to share.

Dirty Martini

Tell this man he isn't classy

I dare someone to say dirty martinis aren't classy. Honestly I think its the classiest drink you can have at a party. Often associated with black tie events, the dirty martini is not just classy it's a classic. When your Pappy was trying to score chicks he was probably sipping one of these. Users beware that this drink is not an everyday drink. It can either make you look pretentious or smug but, honestly chances are if you are at event drinking this then your most likely amongst the like.

1 1/2 oz Smirnoff Red Label Vodka

1 splash olive juice

1 olive

In a shaker with ice, vodka and olive juice shake and strain the drink into a martini glass. Garnish it with an olive. Then buy an Aston Martin and acquire a license to kill.

Kamikaze

You dont have to look like the Marlboro Man to drink like a man. Not to mention is sounds like your on a mission ordering one at a bar.

1 1/4 parts Quality Vodka like Grey Goose or Bel-V 

1/4 part triple sec

1/4 part lime juice or sour mix

Shake the vodka, triple sec, and juice together and serve in shooter glass.

Take one down while talking about all the mountain climbing you've been doing lately or maybe what your latest mission was that's "classified." 

Disaronno Squeeze

Subtle, light to the taste, looks good in a hand accompanied with a nice watch. This drink is simple and shows that you not only have manly charm but you have taste. Try this with lime instead of lemon sometime.

1 part Disaronno

Splash of lemon (lime is awesome as well)

Garnish with lime or cherry deep in the glass 

This is to be served in a tumbler on the rocks.

Saver this and enjoy the awesome conversations that follow. She will want to dance and if you're smart you will follow.