Candied Bacon

Alright so I was in my living room watching TV and my dog kept doing that nodge-bark deal. Pretty much he trained me to get him dog strips. So I get the cute devil a dog strip and while I am on my way to delivery the bacon looking thing a take a small nibble... DON'T JUDGE. It smelled like bacon, kind of sweet but with an obvious hint of dog treat. Let me put it out there I was jealous, why does this cute, good for nothing bastard get all the good stuff. I need a human treat for when times get ruff (see what I did there). Ruff ruff grr ruff grr (Thats dog for let's get down to business).


Servings:
This only makes about 18 strips


What you need:
4 cups granulated sugar
4 1/2 cups water
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
Nonstick cooking spray
1 (12-ounce) package center-cut bacon or hickory thick cut.

   
1. Combine granulated sugar and water in a medium saucepan; bring to a boil. Add bacon and cook 5 minutes or until bacon appears cooked around edges.
2. Drain bacon on parchment  paper until cool enough to handle.
3. Preheat oven to 375 F.
4. Combine brown sugar, mustard, and pepper in a plate. Dredge bacon in brown sugar mixture, shaking off excess. 
5. Place bacon on cookie sheet with wire rack. Bake for 13-15 minutes.
6. Serve your mouth up something proper. This is awesome on a BLT. Next level human treats complete.

Lemoncello Chicken in Curry Yogurt Sauce

Bout to go Bollywood on you. This dish is by far my favorite eastern influenced dish. The awesome thing about eastern dishes is that they use complex ingredients BUT they are simple to cook. While making this you can turn the heat up to scorching or if you have taste buds like mine make it as mild and savory as you can. I will save the jibbah jabbah for later, व्यापार के लिए नीचे उतरो देता है.


Servings:

3-4 people


What we will need:
1 cup frozen or fresh peas
1/2 cup diced onion
3 potatoes cut in to cubes
1 1/2 cup yogurt
1 cup coconut milk
1 tsp Curry
1/2 tsp saffron
1 chicken breast
1 clove of garlic
1 shot of lemoncello
Sprig of cilantro
Pinch of cayenne pepper
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
1 1/2 cup Jasmine Rice

1. Take chicken and season it with a pinch of salt and pepper, place seasoned chicken breast in a bag and pour shot of lemoncello in. Set to the side.
2. In a bowl add your yogurt, coconut milk, curry, saffron, cayenne pepper, pinch of black pepper, pinch of salt and mix all together
3. Boil potato cubes for 7-9 minutes and then put potatoes in yogurt curry mix.
4. Put yogurt sauce in a sauce pan set to medium-low. While sauce heats up cut chicken breast in to strips or cubes and put in the sauce with peas, onions, crushed garlic, and diced sprig of cilantro. The sauce will cook the chicken so don't worry about it (about 10-15 minutes).
5. While the sauce is cooking prepare the jasmine rice as it says on the package.
6. Plate with rice on bottom and curry chicken sauce on top. Enjoy the taste of india pimp.

Apple Smoke Bacon Sandwich

If there is one thing in this world that has been bashed in our heads time and time again it's that sweet and salty things belong together. They love each other, they accentuate each others strengths and hide each others weaknesses. Like any great relationship they are a great team... then salt meets this fine chick named savory and he has a crazy idea. "Hey baby you do me just right but what if we added a +1 to our equation" 

(Warning: Men DO NOT actually use that line, NEVER. This only works with food... or alcohol. Take that last part how you want to ^_^). Yes my friends savory, salty, and sweet get it on like ain't nothing wrong. Getting busy now.

Serving:

1-2 (depending on if you share)

What you will need:

3-4 strips of thick cut hickory bacon

1 apple of your choice

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1 Tbsp butter

1 slice cheddar

1 slice provolone

1 slice baby swiss

2 slice your favorite bread (I like ciabatta) 

1. Preheat oven to 350°F
2. Start cooking your bacon, should take about 2-3 minutes each side on a hot skillet. I find this better not crispy for this sandwich.
3. Slice apples into thin chips and toss in a hot skillet with butter and cinnamon. Cook the apples until you can fork into a sauce. Doesn't have to be complete mushy.
4. Take your bread and add one slice of any cheese, add your bacon and apple concoction, then finally add the rest of your cheese.
5. Place sandwich on a cookie sheet and back for 5-6 minutes or until toasty.

Eggs Benedictator

Hey guys it's been a while but I am back to check up on how your cooking adventures are going. WHAT you followed my advice and now your fixin' to make her breakfast. You sly dog. Alright pimp hit her with that fancy ish... ok its not that fancy but it totally looks fancy. Honestly what version of breakfast is fancy anyways, multiple ways to scramble eggs is not fancy. I digress as usual, lets get down to what you were up to last night... the business (see what I did there <_< )


Serving:
1 So all you have to do is double what your doing for that other person. The sauce recipe is enough for 2-3 people


What you're gonna need:
Make Hollandaise Sauce: (I dont even know if you can buy this in a store and if you can, NO!)

Bowl on a hot pot of water

2-3 large egg yolks
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 teaspoons water
½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, slightly hot and melted
¼ teaspoon Kosher salt, or more to taste
1/8 teaspoon pepper, or LESS
1/8 teaspoon cayenne (if you dont want to use this, use hot sauce)
(Optional) a bit of melted goat cheese

1. In the top of a double boiler or in a medium bowl set over a pot of barely simmering water, whisk the egg yolks with the lemon juice and 2 teaspoons of water until the egg yolks are thickened and pale yellow, but still liquid. 
2. Remove double boiler (separate), or bowl and saucepan (together), from the heat and gradually add the butter, whisking constantly to thicken.
3. Add warm water or additional lemon juice, as needed, to thin to pouring consistency.
4. Add salt, pepper, and cayenne and whisk well to blend. Adjust lemon juice, salt and cayenne to taste
5. When its thick enough to coat the back of a spoon moderately heavy then your good for the next step

Poached Egg:

Poaching egg

I am doing enough for one, here is the part you double for extra person.

1 egg

1 table spoon vinegar

800ml of water for boiling

bowl of ice water 

1. Bring water to a boil in a sauce pan. Add a tbsp of white vinegar (keeps egg uniformed). Bring heat down just below bowling, DON'T BOIL TO COOK.
2. Crack an egg into a bowl. Gently pour the egg into the simmering water.
3. Let the egg cook for 2 to 3 minutes depending on how runny you prefer your egg yolk to be.
4. Remove the egg with strainer (or big spoon) and transfer the egg to the ice water. This is to stop the cooking but take out seconds after being in.

Pork:

Nothing to explain here, cook up some canadian bacon or, my preference, thick cut pepper bacon with a bit of sugar

Home fries:

Oh goodness

1-2 medium potatoes

salt to taste

pepper to taste

Canola oil

Green onion and parsley 

1. Take a hot skillet and drizzle with canola oil. Dont let smoke it will be gross.
2. Season potatoes and add to pan for about 10 minutes or until golden brown.
3. Add onions before taking out tatters.
4. garnish with parsley

Toast:

Ok you can toast up some english muffins (traditional) OR

To save money and try something different use Texas toast cut the crust

Make it look like this and you are solid. You can't see it but put sauce on toast before constructing.

Get like me.

Fettucini Alfredo

Here's your chance to get your Gordon Ramsay on. The traditional Alfredo was nothing but butter, parmesan, salt, pepper and pasta. Today it's gotten a little more complicated due to the easiness of acquiring ingredients and the natural evolution of cooking styles. I got the nerd crap out of the way so let me continue with what we are working with. Women like a man that can take a bunch of nothing and make it something. 


Warning to my lazy guys:
This will take your patience and maybe some practice. You will see why in a minute but, I assure you it's not that bad when you get the hang of it and damn is it good when you get it right.

Serving:

3-4 people

What you will need:

Pinch of oregano

1/2 Tbsp of parsely and some to garnish

1 cup of heavy cream

1 clove of garlic minced

1 teaspoon of salt to taste

1/4 cup parmesan and some to top

1/2 teaspoon of black pepper to taste

Note: if you ever see "to taste" it means taste it dummy

1 stick of REAL butter (margarine is absolutely disgusting)

1 pack of fettucini pasta (I recommend soft pasta for ease but dry pasta is fine)

Note: I didn't name a meat or veg cause the Alfredo is very easy to incorporate a protein or veg. My favorite is Tiger shrimps but, I have seen beef, chicken, broccoli, or mushrooms.

If you want to save time get two irons ready, one deep skillet and one boiling pot. 

1. Fill the boiling pot with water about 3/4 of way from the top. Once it bubbles add your fettucini and read the package for doneness. A watched pot never boils so let's get started on the Alfredo sauce.
2. Add heavy cream to your medium-high heat skillet and get it to simmer. Simmering is bringing it to boil but reducing the heat soon after, in this case reduce to medium and stir occasionally. 
3. Once the cream simmers add the butter, seasonings, and garlic. Tip: To melt faster cut the butter in smaller pieces.
4. When the cream thickens add the cheese, reduce heat to low-medium, and whisk until cheese is melted in. Tip: to check thickness it should coat the back of a metal spoon effortlessly.
5. Now that everything is done bring the sauce and pasta together and stir with wooden spoon. If you made a meat, vegetable, or mushroom add it. Garnish with parsley and parmesan.

Apple Buffalo Chicken Sandwich

So every night doesn't need to be swanky, super fancy, gourmet night. You can make something fun and familiar with a twist. This sandwich is awesome during a game or when you're chillin with your boys. Bust out some celery, bleu cheese, and turn on the game. These are also easy to make into mini sandwiches if you're throwing a sports party. Enough talk let's get down to business.

Servings:

1-2 people

What you will need:

4-6 chicken tender cuts

Some ciabatta bread

3 strips of pepper bacon (I only use thick cut)

1/4 cup of your favored buffalo sauce

Thin slices of fiji apple

Some onion slices

1 1/2 shot of Bourbon (so good)

salt & pepper to taste

1. Take skillet and do your bacon first, we are going to use the grease in that pan for the chicken. When the bacon is done set it aside. 
2. Season your chicken with salt and pepper (lite on the pepper) and toss in the still hot bacon pan. Should take 3-4 minutes both sides and when you are down to the last 1 minute from them being completely done hit the chicks with the bourbon. Get them drunk and let them burn off of the alcohol so you can put your sauce on them :) . 
3. So now you turn the heat off and put the buffalo sauce on the chicken. 
4. Construct your sandwich with ciabatta, apples, onions, drunken buffalo chicken, pepper bacon and lettuce if you really want to. Yeah I know I didn't put lettuce in the things you will need section, maybe cause you don't need it.